"Alexander the Greater Affair, Part II" (ep. 2/2)

As it should be, Part II is more exciting than Part I.  The opening scene, with Farrell of Budget Control complaining to Waverly about the costs Solo and Illya are running up, is a classic example of how U.N.C.L.E. differed from anything else in the spy genre in the Sixties.  Imagine M hearing complaints from the Ministry of Defense that Agent 007 was straining the budget.  No; only MfU could get away with that.  The scene also explains neatly how Solo, Illya, and Tracy got to Minos in the first place, and how they get away again: they flew a Command `copter!

The escape in the throne room is neatly done (though it was a darn good thing Mr. Parviz neglected to take a couple of turns around Solo's ankles while roping him to the altar).  It harkens back to the cliffhangers in the old Saturday afternoon movie serials that writer Dean Hargrove no doubt grew up on.  Nice touch, that the end of the rope is still burning as Solo loops it around the marble statue.

It's nice to see how proactive Tracey "Eye on the Main Chance" Alexander is -- that our heroes don't have to maneuver her into helping them; she's all for it.  Of course, a million bucks is a great motivator.  More important, we see Waverly dismiss the unethical idea of maneuvering her into putting herself in danger.

I like that charcoal brown sportcoat Solo wears at HQ in Act I.   It's probably the same coat, with the same dark brown slacks, we saw in black-and-white several times in Season One.  His office is a lot better equipped, computer- and monitor-wise, than the last time we saw it, in "Never-Never."

The names of Alexander's Asian conspirators and of the Prince -- Bon Phouma, Man-Phang, and Phanong -- echo such famous names of our world's mid-Sixties as Prince Souvanna Phouma of Laos.

"One Spy Too Many" contains a post-coital scene between a wolfish Alexander and Princess Nicole that was cut for the broadcast version.  This works better than merely hearing Nicole off screen as Alexander leaves.  Come to think of it, a definitive version of OSTM could be spliced together, retaining this scene, plus the one in the film where Parviz picks up a roaring Alexander at the quarry, but also including the rescue of Alexander's parents.   (And deleting all the Maude Waverly interludes, please. As much as I love watching Yvonne Craig, those bits, and the "explanation" at the end of the film, aren't needed.)

Watch me blink in disbelief as Mr. Parviz gets his toenails painted (!) at the Grecian Urn, while watching the girls on closed-circuit television.  So that's how he relaxes.  Interesting detail: He uses a cordless remote, just as we have today, to control the TV set.  Did such remotes even exist in our world then?

Cal Bolder's Ingo is very articulate, not the muscle-bound dummy a lesser writer would have given us (and who would have been played by Richard Kiel or Ted Cassidy).  I'm not sure I believe that the 175 or 200 pounds Solo loads on the bench press machine would keep him trapped for long, though.

The entire sequence with Illya being pursued by the farm machines, ducking into the mudhole, being wrapped up in bandages, etc., makes me wince at the thought of getting that filthy.   I picture David reading the script, and shaking his head: "You wanted to be an actor. . . ."

During Solo's struggle with Kavon, he at one point is closer to Kavon's silenced pistol than Kavon is.  Why not grab it?  (Picture for the Illya fangirls!)

Alexander's decoy ploy is clever, designed to give him just enough time to murder the president.  I wonder when Tracey could have written her message in lipstick on the window of the limo without being observed by Alexander or Parviz, though.

I'm surprised at the Washington Command office.  They didn't post anybody outside the embassy to head off Alexander, and didn't take away the keys to his Imperial.  Poor tactics!  Heads are gonna roll, baby!

In the action sequence when Solo leaps from the Jag to the plane, Vaughn and director Sargent keep it from looking easy.  I hate flying in planes, much less the idea of leaving one in flight, so I have no idea, but would it be humanly possible to squirm into a parachute pack while in free fall, as Solo does?  And could the plane have reached a high enough altitude that he'd have time to do that?

Verdict: A slam-bang season opener, with high energy, notably exciting music including the cool new theme arrangement, and a great turn by Torn as Alexander the (would-be) Greater.

Memorable lines:
Alexander (to Mr. Kavon): "I shouldn't have any trouble using [the generals'] country as my personal power base.  From there I can subvert all of Asia. . . .  Where the devil did I put the keys to my sports car?"

Parviz: "How did you get out of your tomb?"
Tracey (beckons him closer. In a confidential voice): "Well, you see, there was this lamp, and we rubbed it three times --"

Ingo (clapping Solo on the shoulders): "I know what your problem is!"
Solo (uneasily): "Is it that easy to tell?"

Illya (mummified): "Well, I suppose I'll just have to find myself a new tailor."

Wedding Guest (re: the bride's scream as she no doubt discovers Mr. Parviz's staring corpse next to her in the car): "I knew it wouldn't last."

"Alexander the Greater Affair, Part I" (ep. 2/1)

Hola!  Wow!

Pardon the exclamations.  It's a reflection of how I excited I was at age 12 (having just passed through the chaos of Hurricane Betsy in September 1965) when the new season of U.N.C.L.E. premiered.

This, Dean Hargrove’s third script and the show’s first two-parter and color episode, is fast-moving, bouncing from New York to Athens, from Alexander’s estate to his rock quarry, and then to a tomb in Minos.  It sports intriguing set pieces like the living chess game and the wild cliffhanger at the end.  To me, however, the color adds life to the sets, but detracts from the plausibility overall by giving the story an almost comic-book aspect.

Alexander’s twin notions, that of conquering the world a la Alexander of Macedon, and also wanting to violate the Ten Commandments, don’t seem to be related.   Alexander wasn’t Jewish (though Alexander was, and is, highly thought of in the Jewish world).  You could say, “Well, Alexander has a goal -- world domination -- and a hobby -- violating the Decalogue.”  But Alex tells us the two plans are part of one whole for him; the second isn’t just a pastime.

That said, the Commandment business provides a good mystery thread.  We don’t see Alexander break all 10.  We see 8 when he steals the will gas, 7 (adultery) and 10 (coveting your neighbor’s wife) are implied with Princess Nicole, and 5 is done, shockingly, when we see how he has dishonored his parents.  In the scene with Tracey in his den, he burns something before a colorful idol, which bears the number 2 above it: With this he’s breaking “Thou shalt make no graven images,” and “Thou shalt have no god before me.”  We can presume Alexander has given false witness plenty of times in his business and private life.  Killing would bring it up to 8.  If he manages to take the name of the Lord God in vain and does it on a Saturday or Sunday, he’s done.

His theft of the will gas from the Army isn’t very convincing (though the machinations of Mr. Parviz, in the footage for “One Spy Too Many,” at least take the Army’s security responses into account).  Even in those long-gone pre-Homeland Security days, wouldn’t they have searched Alexander’s briefcase?  How was he going to explain an oxygen mask and three silvery pressurized canisters -- tell them he had asthma?  Much better if the site had been an independent laboratory, with much lower security.  The Army could have sent along an observer, perhaps a young Army Intelligence officer, who suspects Alexander.  When his superiors say there’s no proof, he goes to U.N.C.L.E.  In Waverly’s office, he could tell them about the theft and show pictures he’d shot with a microcamera, and then we’d be off to the races.

In Tracey’s attorney’s office, Solo handles his gun as if it were a toy or an afterthought.  Worse than that, the script has him draw it at Alexander’s party and twist the flash arrestor into the nose of the unarmed Prince.  Horribly unprofessional.  If nothing else, it would tend to promote an image of U.N.C.L.E. agents as thugs.

David Sheiner’s Mr. Parviz is scary.  You get the impression that he is tightly wrapped, too tightly, and if things get beyond him, like a deep-sea fish brought to the surface, he’ll explode.

Except for Squire Partridge, Alexander is the first antagonist to have been married.  At least I don’t think any of them mentioned a spouse or ex-spouse.  Hard to imagine Capt. Shark having a wife back home in Boca Raton or Vancouver.

“Tranquilizer mist” (in OSTM, “aphrodisiac mist”) set up to spray in Alexander’s boudoir?  Creepy.  Something tells me, if he lived today, he’d have directed one of his chemical companies to develop a proprietary version of roofies.

We see Solo pointedly inspect Mr. Kavon’s limp, from which he concludes that the man’s shuffle means he might have been in prison.  To me it seems more like a limp than a shuffle.  And then Solo tells us that he jammed the firing pin in Kavon’s “revolver” (it’s actually an automatic).  Hard to swallow that, even for him -- for most of the scene his hands are full of flashlight and gun!  Better if Kavon simply reaches into his pocket to find no gun, and Solo draws the little pistol from his pocket and says, “I took the opportunity to relieve you of this.”

My other objection to the cliffhanger scene, and the script as a whole, is that it gives Illya nothing to do.  It’s Solo who checkmates Alexander, recognizes the mineral composition of the tablets, and explains the numbers as relating to the Ten Commandments.  Solo-phile though I be, I think it's silly to have Illya along and yet only let him be Tonto to Solo’s Lone Ranger.

Verdict: Despite plot holes and inconsistencies, it provides our heroes with an appropriately larger-than-life villain and larger-than-life obstacles.  (I imagine Solo murmuring, “They never told us about razor pendulums in Survival School --“)
Memorable lines:
Solo (Gun in hand, slamming open the door to Tracey’s attorney’s office):  “I have an appointment.”

Solo:  “I’m with the U.N.C.L.E.”
Tracey (apologetically):  “Oh, my favorite charity.”

Tracey (gushing over Illya):  “You’re not . . . Count Kuryakin, by any chance? . . .  You must be thirsty after that long flight in from . . . the Balkans, isn’t it?”
Illya:  “From America.  I own a chain of radio stations in Oklahoma.”

Illya (as Solo tumbles into the throne room):  “I see you found your way here safely.”
Solo:  “I couldn’t miss it.  It was the only temple on the block.”

Mr. Kavon (as he and Alexander depart for Washington):  “And you know how awkward it is to get space without a reservation.”

Mr. Parviz (re: the razor pendulum):  “It’s a new steel process.  I get 15 to 20 times more use out of each one of these blades.”